Introduction to L.I.F.E. Guide for Spouses
Welcome, friend, to the journey. As a spouse of a man who struggles with sexual addiction, I understand how you may be feeling as you pick up this workbook. The best way to describe how I felt five years ago was conflicted. Part of my heart felt tremendous anger towards my husband while the other felt compassion for him. I felt hopeful and hopeless at the same time. There was disbelief that my spouse had betrayed me in this way but also a profound sense of relief that I wasn’t crazy, that there really was something wrong. I was confused and hungry for answers. The “why” of it all haunted me. And then there was the overwhelming pain of all the losses.
My prayer for you as you undertake the journey of Living in Freedom Everyday is that you will first find a safe place to grieve all of the losses associated with your spouses’ sexual addiction. And then I pray that you will begin to find the answers you are searching for—not for your spouse, but for yourself.
You see, the journey is not about finding a way to convince your spouse to love and cherish you; it’s not about making your spouse become faithful and true. The journey is about finding the freedom to live in the grace and truth of God—no matter what choices your spouse makes. It’s about being transformed into the woman or man God has always intended you to be for your good and His glory. We have no power over the desires and choices of others, but we can submit ourselves—our desires and choices—to the Faithful One. In Him, we will always have hope, for He has already taken the journey… and made it.
It is our great honor and privilege to walk with you for a time on this journey. Along the way, you will get to know me as well as two other spouses who have been journeying for a while. Debbie Laaser is the wife of Dr. Mark Laaser, author of the L.I.F.E. Guide for Men and general editor of the L.I.F.E. Guide series. Debbie and Mark have been on the journey together for over fifteen years. My husband Troy and I are another testimony of God’s grace and healing. We’ve been on the healing journey for five years now, and it is our great joy to walk with other men and women who are struggling as addicts and co-addicts, helping them to experience the life of freedom God wants them to have.
The third spouse sharing his story in these pages is Norm. He was married to a female sex addict for seventeen years. Although his wife chose to continue in her addiction and the marriage ended in divorce, Norm has experienced great healing and growth in his own life. We hope his story will encourage the male spouses who choose to use this study on their journey. Debbie, Norm, and I are spouses just like you who have learned to walk with grace and truth in response to our spouses’ sexual addiction. And we are glad you have joined us.
Welcome. You are greatly loved and accepted.
Melissa
Debbie
Norm
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