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This is My Life
by Chris W.
It was truly divine intervention that brought me to L.I.F.E. Ministries. The same Google that had brought me to numerous adult websites was now my tool in a desperate search to find help and find it fast. I had just “celebrated” my 36th birthday with a phone call from my wife rightfully interrogating me for an exchange of flirtatious emails with a female acquaintance she had found on my computer. This was coming three months after I had been caught in an affair and we were in counseling; “working” on our marriage. This was also during an on-going period of viewing pornography over the last twenty years.
I was knocked to my knees by the Holy Spirit that day, May 22, 2007 and He told me that my problem was much bigger than lust. It was much deeper than just “typical male behavior”. It was much more than what the world had conditioned me to believe: that sexual conquest is a natural need that men cannot overcome; we just do our best to deal with it as Christian men and husbands. I had hit rock-bottom. I was facing my second divorce, complete shame and embarrassment; and utter failure as a man, a Christian, a husband, and a father.
I typed and Googled “sexual-addiction” and was brought to L.I.F.E. Ministries. In my typical black and white, Type-A style, I went directly to the first listing and contacted local meeting location leaders and sought to attend my first meeting. I would have to wait a few days to go to the meeting, but I soon began my journey along the path of L.I.F.E.. It was a 30-mile drive from home but I was determined it was worth it.
Its funny how first impressions can be so lasting, as my first introduction was to Glen. Immediately I was impressed with his knowledge, demeanor, strength, yet vulnerability. He had a striking similarity to a high school acquaintance of mine; a guy who was like the big brother I never had and someone who I respected and emulated yet feared. My relationship with Glen grew and continues today as my sponsor, “big brother”, mentor, and friend. L.I.F.E. has taught me many things, but the importance of positive Christian accountability partners may be the most significant.
I poured my over-achieving and affirmation-needing personality into L.I.F.E. group and was selected to help lead a few readings and co-facilitate our group. The Lord brought us three other men from my local area to this place of healing 30 miles away over the next few months. Simultaneously gas pricing went above $4.00 per gallon. We started car-pooling but somewhere along the line, the Lord whispered in my ear to consider my own backyard,. Now I was truly in the learning stages of struggling with serenity in my own walk and sobriety, but I quickly learned that I could minister out of my own weakness. I reflect on the scripture in Mathew 10:18-20, which encourages “for what you are to say will be given you in that very hour and moment. For it is not you who are speaking, but the Spirit of your Father speaking through you”. There was a need to help men right in my town. Why drive 30 miles when within a three-mile radius there were men struggling as I did?
We started a local L.I.F.E. group in September of 2008 at one church and while they were open and receptive to allowing us space, they were not interested in embracing the ministry and finding help for men in the church.
After several months of prayer, discussions with L.I.F.E. leadership, and introductions to another local church, we moved the ministry. We found an awesome receptiveness, appreciation, and knowledge for the need of the ministry. The pastors have been overwhelmingly supportive of our group. They have allowed safe, healthy promotion of the group while maintaining confidentiality for those from within the church. Our partnership with this church is as perfect as the Lord allows. Right now I see no boundaries and many men walking free from this affliction!
The L.I.F.E. journey is well underway. My life, not just my marriage, has been saved. I have awareness and serenity that I never knew were possible. I will always have temptation, but as a child of God, I am now free of the ONE struggle that has plagued me since my teenage years. L.I.F.E. has led me alongside and closer to God. I am called to lead and teach other men what I have learned. This is my L.I.F.E.
Posted: 2009-11-25
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Stories about addiction, recovery, and continued relationship with God help others know that they are not alone in their addiction, encourages many, and shares ideas.
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